Sometimes I can be gross

10 Jun

Take that title as a warning because you might not enjoy my sick sense of humor.

But lately I’ve been doing a lot of Smoothie breakfasts. It’s usually ice, a banana, some Vega Powder, a fistful of leafy greens and a dollop of the nut butter of my fancy with occasional bonus ingredients (other fruits, ginger, spices, sea weed and algae).

A lot of it is based on my whims that day. So when I narrate my pretend cooking show- as I’m sure you often do- I end up coming up with disgusting titles for individual smoothies based on the color they turn out to have.

Some highlights have been:

Swamp Water.


Baby Diaper.


And Blood in the Saddle. (With the bonus ingredient beet.)


A note about beets, I’ve always said whenever you eat beats be sure to make a note of it in your diary. Because the next time you see them you’ll have a brief moment where you think you need to go to the doctor. According to Beth, Red Velvet cake can also have the same effect.

And on a final note can I just say how much I love my Vita Mix. I used to think a few ice cubes at the bottom of a smoothie was unavoidable. But since using this machine everything gets blended together to a velvety smooth texture. Also I love the sense of danger it give me when I use. The pitcher really just rests on the base, there is no locking mechanism and it’s super easy to do this:


Don’t do this. It’s just an illusion. My hand is actually on the side of the machine.

What sold me on the machine originally was a review from a friend. She told me that she had lost the rubber top to a spatula in the bender and when she stopped it to dig it out, it had disappeared completely.

28 Responses to “Sometimes I can be gross”

  1. toby June 10, 2013 at 9:15 am #

    not gross, awesome πŸ™‚

  2. Jean June 10, 2013 at 9:36 am #

    Remember SNL’s Bass O Matic?

  3. Donna Siano June 10, 2013 at 1:47 pm #

    Looks good to me. We have a juicer and we just love it.

  4. ratmando June 10, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    On the web tv show we’re filming called “I’m JUST as Screwed Up As You Are” our dog, Monty, is part of a segment called “All Great RECIPES can LOOK like Poop”. It features a bunch of really great foods from vegan smoothies with rice, cocoa, and root beer, to doggy food recipes, that look like chocolate mousse, (which will be featured on halloween as a trick or treat for anyone’s kid brother… hehehe). The dog is talking via animation, but I LOVE your recipes because they’re JUST like the show’s ideas!! COOLness Mwahahah!!
    (ps, yeah jean, bass0matic 76 is my fave!)

  5. rachel June 10, 2013 at 6:20 pm #

    You need to make your own line of smoothies! I’d be all over the Blood in the Saddle smoothie. Bring on the beet poop!!!

  6. jeancave June 10, 2013 at 10:15 pm #

    you should do a cooking show . . yes

  7. claudia333 June 11, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    You are becoming like Forrest Gump and his infamous box of chocolates.
    We NEVER know what we are going to get!
    Love you πŸ™‚

  8. kate c. June 11, 2013 at 5:14 am #

    I’m so glad I’m not the only who narrates my own pretend cooking show. Sadly, I also narrate my own “how to clean up the kitchen show,” but my son never tunes in for that one. Your smoothies look great!

  9. Linda Long June 11, 2013 at 7:47 am #

    jorge what machine is this????? thanks linda

  10. Tori June 11, 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    look up dogshaming on images I think you should do one of pip and/or smidge

  11. Suzie Q. Wacvet (Sue Eckhardt) June 11, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

    I’ve never used ice cubes in a smoothie. The just water it down. Instead, I buy frozen fruit and use that in the smoothie. Here’s my recipe (minus amounts because you have a brain and can figure that out): about a cup of plain, nonfat yogurt; a small banana; some frozen fruit; about a half cup or more of V8 Fusion (you get fruits and veggies!); one scoop of Fruitein protein powder (orange/banana flavor – buy at health food store or online) — blend and enjoy!

  12. Stacie Konkle June 11, 2013 at 8:00 pm #

    Another head’s up in case y’all ever decide to be parents (or if you know someone else who is). Red Gatorade has the same effect several hours after it been given. And even though your old-school pediatrician has told you REPEATEDLY not to give a sick child red Gatorade, you do it anyway (unfortunately more than once, because sometimes you’re just thick like that, nor do you think clearly when your child is sick) and you end up calling him at home in the middle of the night because he was your doctor and has known you since you were about two days old and he still didn’t do the whole “I-told-you-so” thing, he just told you AGAIN in his boisterous, British-who-grew-up-in-India accent, “don’t worry about it, my dear. The baby will be fine. Put him in the bed and you go take a nice bath,” (his answer to everything!) Gosh, I just love Dr. Henry H. Wilson of Decatur, GA! By the way, you should only be worried when you see black; red is supposedly OK.

  13. Teri June 12, 2013 at 1:06 am #

    You’re smoothie names have me dying of laughter here! Thanks Jorge – to your health! πŸ™‚

  14. Teri June 12, 2013 at 1:07 am #

    ^ Umm…that should have been your not you’re. /facepalm
    I’m going to bed now.

  15. Penelope Crinkleton June 12, 2013 at 5:38 am #

    Blood on the Saddle is being added to my descriptive vocab. Brillant.

  16. llisa June 12, 2013 at 6:56 am #

    HA HAHAHA HILARIOUS, not gross! I seem to always say something inappropriate (gross) during meals. My 1st bite of Pumpkin pie is always “Mmmmm… baby shit!”. It seems I can’t help myself πŸ™‚
    That mixer sounds scary! If Beth goes missing… check the Vita mixer!

  17. Ewan Morrison June 12, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    Blood in saddle…? That IS gross… Hope all is well, amigo.

  18. Ali Shaw-Moorhead June 12, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    Is it easy to clean? we have an old mixer and it’s gross, and cleaning it is a bitch!

    • Amanda June 15, 2013 at 12:25 pm #

      Super easy to clean! Throw in some water and dish soap, turn it on and it basically cleans itself! πŸ™‚

  19. James Hernandez June 12, 2013 at 2:31 pm #


    Smoothies are the shizzle to the fizzle! Don’t start my day without
    making one.

  20. Biscuit June 13, 2013 at 6:32 am #

    My husband says the same thing about red velvet cake.

  21. Jason Torpy June 14, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    Much love. Just saw your blog through vegan channels. Congrats on your journey! Great blog as well. LGBT rights, technology… Never watched Lost, but I’m a fan now.

    • Terri July 30, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

      I hope you decide to watch Lost. It was awesome with awesome sauce. I’ll admit to watching the whole series a few times and watching selected episodes that were my favorites even more often. Besides you can then get into the battle about whether the last episode was the worst final episode or the best final episode in the history of TV. There doesn’t appear to be any middle ground on that one!

  22. Amanda June 15, 2013 at 12:25 pm #

    I love my Vitamix! It’ll blend anything. My fav is a couple of frozen bananas, an entire bag of spinach, vanilla almond milk, agave, and cinnamon. It’s thick and creamy and tastes like banana bread batter! Mmmmm!

  23. Diane June 17, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

    Now I’m going to have to go buy me one of those Vita Mix machines!

  24. Terri July 30, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

    Tell Beth thanks from me. I did a juice fast this weekend (real juice, not store bought) and I love beets and yet they have never been part of my diet. They were a large part of my juice and she is completely right. I would have made a doctor’s appointment. Red, red, red!

  25. Terri July 30, 2013 at 7:40 pm #

    Another comment here. I got a Breville juicer based on this movie I watched (Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead – I am none of those, but I had a life altering moment on April 11th and have embraced much in the area of health since. Do not do a juice fast without letting your doctor know). Dumb reason to choose a juicer, but it is the best juicer I have ever had. I’ve had to add a layer onto my worm condo for all of the left overs but they are as happy as I am about my purchase. Not to diss Vita Mix. I’ve heard they are great.

  26. Anna August 18, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    So, did your friend like her rubber flavored smoothie?

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